Sorrow.

© Markus Gann | Dreamstime.com — Old man sorrow

Sorrow. What is it? Is it a cocktail of shame, crafted admirably with disgusting disappointments that make your heart exposed to the excruciating truth of denying yourself? Is it a cruel, self-denial due to the consequences of the conflict that your mind has with your flesh? Or, maybe, the aftermath of stinking words dripping out of your mouth springing from your broken soul whose pieces are scattered that it is impossible to unite them? Sorrow, what are you exactly? What are you like?

Sorrow, I know that you have gotten a point: That I am asking bizarre questions. But, whatever it is, I wish to see you, to converse with you, and to touch you. I desiderate to connect with you in ways that will make you understand what I think and feel about you.

But, sadly, it seems that I am unlucky; that I cannot connect with you. Unfortunately, I can just coldly feel you in manners that not only hurt me physically but also kill my inner man, which whispers to my soul the highly needed elements of positivity, especially in this dramatic world.

What do I do then, my heart cries, since I am just a little man in these matters?

Honestly, I do not know how to deal with you, Sorrow: the burden of feeling the unseen is surprisingly big, so big in some cases that life becomes senseless.

But then I understand that to say, “[sometimes] life becomes senseless” is weird. However, what good is a sorrowful life? How can it make sense if the only thing coming from it is an unbearably guilty feeling of ‘maybe I shouldn’t have done so and so’?

Wait a minute. What does this mean? Does it mean that Sorrow manifests itself in ways that can be seen? And that someone can conclude that unseen things make the seen exist — that the essence of the seen is unseen? And that, probably, there is a greater Unseen that is powerful and good that any other unseen — whether good or bad — cannot compete with it in bringing forth the supposed seen?

Moreover, could this be the reason why Apostle Paul says: “We should walk by faith, not by sight”? That, “[We should] rejoice in the Lord [(The Greater Unseen)] always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”?

Convincingly, it could be. And, honestly, these verses from Apostle Paul end up my quest to understand what Sorrow is: Why would I want to think deeper about this awkward feeling? The feeling that has opened the fountain of tears slowly finding their way towards my ‘tongue’ sized pillow after flowing down the mighty hills of my Bantu nose? Why would I want to see my black pillow cover turns even blacker after being wetted by my tears while I am told by the mighty and true Unseen that I should not be anxious?

What to do now? Well, do what does best to my heart, and here it goes: Lord, please know that I am deeply sorrowful and that I tried to understand and eventually solve what has caused the sorrow in my understanding. But, for whatever that is happening in my life, thank you so much for your love. Because your love is made perfect in my imperfections. May, “… [your] peace…. which transcends all understanding… guard [my] heart and [my] mind in Christ Jesus.” Amen!

Oops, Sorrow whispers something: “You have not answered the question!” No problem, Sorrow. I will do that next time. Yes, through Christ’s wisdom, I will know who you are.

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Siegfred Madeghe

Believer of God through Jesus Christ | Computer Engineer | Pan-Africanist, Relativist, and Socratic